Saturday, April 27, 2013
Silence reigned in the dark and deep night
A pallid ray of dull moonlight struck the fountain
When a low groan through the breeze was heard
And here, on this edge, the specter showed itself to me!
Ah! As if to speak, I saw it move its lips
And with its lifeless hand it seemed to call to me
It stood a moment immobile, then swiftly it disappeared
And the water, before so limpid, with blood reddened, yes!
He is light to my days! He is comfort to my soul!
He is light to my days! He is comfort to my soul!
When carried away in ecstasy of the most burning ardor,
With speaking of the heart, to me he swears eternal faith.
I forget my anxieties, joy replaces my weeping
It seems to me that when I am near him
Heaven opens itself for me.
In memory of my Beloved's Death 18 years ago today.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Fortunately I have now had so many falls that I recognize what happens when I loose my balance. If I can't recover quickly, the momentum will increase resulting in a fall to my face. My arms have become so weak that it never occurs to me to break my fall by extending my arms.
Last night, I had my wits about me and once the stumble occurred, I decided the best outcome would be for me to just sit down, which I did. Fortunately, I had my new Cell Phone with me so I immediately called 911 and asked for some assistance to hoist me up. It confirmed that I had practiced enough to know how the phone works. I had never used it so that was very reassuring.
While I waited for assistance to come, I has the time to have a few puffs as I was sitting on a wet pavement. An ambulance arrived with two fellows who each grabbed an arm and I walked me home.
I really don't want to go through this again. I have 6 falls in the last year. As a result I am having so many structural and nerve problem from the middle of my spine radiating out to my shoulders and down to my foot, so will have to see my Chiropractor this week. Just can't stand the pain any longer since it interferes with every aspect of my movement and mobility.
~ Tutte ~
Thursday, April 4, 2013
As the days passed I began to feel more and more guilty but still never said a word or confessed to my transgression.
My beloved grandfather got his driver's License at the age of 72 and purchased a car. On a beautiful Sunday afternoon, now at age 5, we went for a drive in the country side and part of my tip included my education in terms of how to recognize different grains fields. Was it wheat, rye, oats, etc. I became quite good. The unexpectedly we approached a different landscape, No fields of growth but rather barren ground with a few areas of lawn and then suddenly a large 2 story building appeared. I asked what it was and I was told that it was a prison. I asked for an explanation of what a prison was and was told it was where people go who have stolen things. My profound long lasting feeling of guilt resurface and with my one question convicted myself. My question was, "Do people who steal strawberries go to prison?" Today I don't remember what the response was because of the sound of laughter. For a 5 year old.....that meant I was innocent. It was however a great lesson and one I have carried with me all my life and why it is such a profound memory. I have the ability to remember moments in my life where there are snapshots in my mind so that I don't need a photo to remind me.
Monday, April 1, 2013
As I had done my regular run and came up to a stop sign and was trying to brake noticing a Van on my left approaching me, I realized that the brake wasn't responding. Fortunately the Van was going at a slow speed which allowed me to stick my hand out my window to signal the driver to stop, which she did. It wasn't until I had crossed the road that I was able to stop my car. This of course leaves all kinds of questions as to why this would occur. Is the brakes or a weakness in my foot and leg. I managed to pull into a driveway, back out and drive home without any further problems. I am aware that my body has become so compromises with nerve problems and have no strength in my upper body and my legs have become very unstable. Have no idea what is happening but expect it has to do with falling on my head so many times causing injuries to my neck and spine along with my Spinal Stenosis. Will visit my MD. and Chiro this week. I am beginning to feel very insecure on so many levels. Makes me now wonder if my foot has been the cause of my latest falls.
Regardless, I am so grateful that once again, something/one. I hesitate to use the terms angels but perhaps that is what it that come to intervene on my behalf. Had the driver of the Van been driving too fast and not aware of my hand signal, we would have had an accident.
I am so blessed to have received so many interventions in very different circumstances. I call them miracles because that is how they feel to me. I have had so many over lifetime and don't know what other term to use. They are no longer coincidences to me. Just too many over my life time. I could write about many but won't.